mother's day8:24 AM
I was so lucky to have my mama with me on mother's day. My parents were here for the weekend and everything about those three days was just what we needed. On Friday we made a fire in the pit in our backyard and mum brought out a giant pot of meat she had marinated with her very special recipe. It was the perfect temperature outside and as the scent of bug spray and smoke enveloped me I could feel myself relaxing down to my bones. Dad's favorite French radio station crooned through his ipad and the meat sizzled over the fire. We talked around our table until all the food was gone and eventually made our way to the living room, cups of tea in hand. We talked about the hard times and the good times from the past couple of weeks. The teary phone calls. The texts in the middle of the night.
And right there it hit me - my baby may grow in size and may develop her mental abilities but she'll always be my baby. I may miss how small she used to be, how perfectly soft her skin was and how yummy those chubby legs feel. I may miss feeling her breath on my neck as I rock her to sleep or washing that downy hair of hers in the bath. But the way this tiny, for now, person yearns for my love will never change. Because no matter how old I am when I'm feeling lost and hurt and broken there's nothing like mummy and daddy's voice to unleash a torrent of tears and make that owie feel better. As I've grown older the owie's get harder and harder to fix (some are just plain unfixable) but there's something about the comfort that comes from feeling like you can be small again in someone's eyes.
My hope and dream more than anything is that no matter what happens, no matter what we go through, that my sweet babies can always feel that I am their safe place. That no matter how tall they are, how old they are or how smart they are they can still curl up next to me and let those tears run down so that I can wipe them away. I know that one day their boo boos will be too big for me to fix so for now I will take solace and be grateful for the fact that some cuddles and kisses can make everything right.
As their mother I have the blessed responsibility to be their protector and I don't think there's anything more honorable than that. I daily see the trust this little girl puts in me and I pray I never lose it. I pray that she can always come to me and know that in my arms lives acceptance, love and adoration.