au revoir summer 20165:08 PM
It's been a little quiet here lately. Sometimes when life is moving at such a breakneck pace it's hard to formulate it all into words, let alone sentences. Ever since we returned from Maryland life has felt like sitting in the back of a very fast and unpredictable car. I can't remember the last time our family has had to make so many "big" decisions in such a short amount of time and it's hard not to have a lot of anxiety over whether or not we are making the right call. But the decisions have been made and we are all going to be adjusting to a new life in the coming weeks.
After much consideration we decided to send Birdie to a two-a-day nature preschool over a more rigorous five day a week school. She's not even four and we want to give her one more year of being mostly at home and playing. She's an incredibly bright girl and there will be a time for more learning but as for this year she can "waste" more time digging in the ground, making a mess with finger paints, dancing in the rain, sleeping and playing house. I figure she's going to spend most of her life reading, writing and counting; we'll give her one more year of just being a kid. And it feels right and good and I'm mostly at peace with it. Though the thought of her being anywhere but here is still giving me mini panic attacks.
We also decided that I will go back to work, part-time. It's a decision we thought about for months and months but after analyzing it from all angles it feels right for us, right now. I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to have a little time to socialize with adults a few days a week and exercising the creative and intellectual parts of my brain. I'm unbelievably anxious since I've been out of the traditional workforce since before Birdie was born but I just keep telling myself it's like riding a bike... Right?? I've also had to do some serious "back to work" shopping because LuLuLemon isn't going to cut it at work. Sadly.
And... Some of you may have seen on Instagram, we got a cat!! I've always said I am neither a cat or dog person, I'm both and I am thrilled to have both animals back in our life! Her name is Franny and she is the sweetest little ginger kitty. She has adjusted to our family so seamlessly it almost feels like she's always been here. Her and Belle are already past the hissing stage and onto the "let's get in trouble together" stage which is vexing but very sweet. As Birdie said "Now our family is perfect!" I couldn't have said it better myself!
So that's where we are right now. Lots of changes, lots of adjusting and a little ball of fur. As they say in psychology - eustress. It's hectic and nerve wracking but it's kind of awesome too. It feels good to shake things up a bit. Sometimes I feel like I've been holed up in this cocoon of motherhood for so long that perhaps I forgot what it's like to be out there without two little munchkins pulling on my sleeves. What if people won't like "me??" Because everybody likes babies, grown women? I'm not so sure. I almost feel naked, vulnerable, without their sweetness and all-absorbing neediness covering me. Often when I'm out without them I wonder to myself "but do people know I have two amazing kids??" as if without them I'm something to pass over. And I don't know if we as mothers can ever untangle the web that is our love and attachment to our kids but I figure it doesn't hurt to practice being "just us" every now and then?