I've never found January to be a kind month and this year has been no exception. Some of you have noticed my silence the last couple of weeks and a part of me wants to continue on this way - head down with blinders on, but I don't think anything good would come from that at this point. You see when things seem hopeless and bleak my natural reaction is to just "get busy" so I don't have time to think about anything. And I have been very busy...
Busy with visiting the ER on three separate occasions with a baby that was vomiting and had a temperature of 104.5. Busy administering baby tylenol, antibiotics, cough syrup, ear drops and wiping running noses (we went through five of the large packs of boogie wipes). Busy changing and washing bedding and clothing that would get vomit on it at least once a day. Busy preparing six different meals a day only to have all of them picked over and not eaten. Busy rocking two very sad, very sick babies to sleep all day and all night long.
New year's eve dinner still sits uneaten in the fridge as we have been eating out of paper bags for two weeks now. My new year's eve dress needs laundering thanks to a dumping of vomit. The drinks never got made and the movie remained in it's box. When the clock struck midnight Kevin and I were sitting at the dri-thru window of CVS pharmacy waiting on our prescription of antibiotics for Teddy. I was cradling his naked feverish body in my arms and trying to ignore the overwhelming odor of the regurgitated contents of his tummy that swished around in his carseat. Things were looking very bleak.
The one upside in all of this was having Kevin home to help me. Together we tended to our poor babies and once we would get them in bed at night we would tend to ourselves with some dinner out of a styrofoam box and a tablespoon or two of nyquil. We are completely drained and the other day I broke down crying saying I just wanted my mummy. It's a strange feeling when you go through something where there's not help, no relief. Where you are the only adult. You just keep pushing through, hoping that tomorrow is just a little bit better.
I have trepidation over declaring that we are on the mend as we have thought that many times this week only to face another setback but... Teddy is due to finish his antibiotics tomorrow, Birdie has another two days of it and I've cut down on how many boxes of tissues I go through a day so... maybe?? I'm also nervous because Teddy has not been taking anything other than his formula, obviously, and has lost a lot of weight. He was already quite underweight but this sickness has set him back even more. Any tips on how to beef up our little mouse would be much appreciated.
So here we are - 2016. And I don't have any resolutions. I'm not currently on a juice cleanse and my house is a mess. My only hope is that we are all healthy again. I hope Teddy can gain the weight back and be back to his happy, trouble maker self. I hope Birdie doesn't have to tearfully tell me that "mama I don't want to be sick no more" again. I hope I have the energy to cook us a home cooked meal and play with the kids again. I hope life can go back to normal again. I have big plans for cleaning and maybe, just maybe cooking, tomorrow and I'm hoping we can start the weekend on the right foot.
I am aware that none of this is tragic or life-threatening and I am aware that things could have been a lot worse. I'm just sharing what life has been like lately and as a mama you are always terrified of anything going wrong with your babies. We like to see them thriving and watching your little ones suffer is so incredibly painful, even if you know that eventually they will be well again. Thank you so much to everyone that reached out and made us feel cared for and loved, it truly means the world to us.