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12:54 PM

Today I decided to finally dust off my laptop. I pressed the "new post" button and have been staring at this white space for some time now. It's been so long, so much has happened and it's just been an incredibly strange time in our life. It's strange to find yourself in the midst of so much upheaval and at the same time to survive all these changes essentially in isolation. And not being able to share about these things has prevented me from being active anywhere because it's been all we've been thinking and talking about.
And holy moley have we been talking and talking and talking. We have been on the verge of making a big life change for a few months. We prayed about it, we sought advice and we went in the direction that we believed God was leading us in. You know when something feels so right until it doesn't?? The past two weeks we have never felt more confused, lost or conflicted. We thought this was what God wanted for us only to realize that perhaps it simply never was. It's hard to accept that sometimes the only way to learn something is by going through something unbelievably difficult. No matter how many times we go through life lessons we want to believe that we can learn massive life lessons without the tiniest of scratches to show for it. It's not possible.
And I'll be honest with you--we're exhausted. We got married young and we have been trying to navigate this journey of life for our family and our careers since college. Our path has been unique and not without difficulties, failures, triumphs and detours. Often it's hard to not look at people our age who have had more linear paths towards a career or success and not feel envious, not feel like "where did we go wrong?" We've both had setbacks since college and we're not where we want to be but we have to keep reminding ourselves that we are getting there, albeit slowly. Sometimes we get impatient and we get frustrated and those days are tough. Sometimes we're extra hard on ourselves and don't cut ourselves nearly enough slack.
But more than anything we must remind ourselves that this is our life. We put our life into God's hands daily and although we are not guaranteed a perfect life we are guaranteed his constant comfort, guidance and love. And his blessings that he bestows on us every day. And in the end our career or "life concerns" are really theoretical because practically speaking we live a wonderful life full of so much joy and beauty - the things that truly matter. Bank accounts, accolades and material possessions, although important, will never fulfill us the way our love for each other does. And it's thanks to this love and support that we have for each other that we will continue reaching for our dreams no matter how long it takes, how hard it is, how many times we get knocked down or how often we feel like we are back at "square one."
One thing we've learned time after time is even when something seems devastating to us in the moment God always reveals how he used it to enhance our life, grant us wisdom or point us in the right direction. That reveal sometimes takes months, sometimes even years but ultimately it was all for the best. And we can already see the light.
Speaking of light I recently came across this amazing site - Live Learn Evolve, through Danielle (who's blog is absolutely delightful!) and this post was exactly what I needed to read. Namely this:
"And if life only teaches you one thing, let it be that taking a passionate leap is always worth it. Even if you have no idea where you're going to land, be brave enough to step up to the edge of the unknown, and listen to your heart."
And that's exactly what we are going to do. We have already begun the process of planning something new, exciting and wonderful for our family. We've dusted ourselves off, we have prayed and listened and we are full of hope and faith. Because faith isn't faith if you only have it when you get what you want, true faith is only strengthened by disappointment and difficulty and finds ways to renew itself again. And there is no better time to renew faith and resolve than during this season. 
Spring is finally here and with it we can feel so much good blossoming in our life. The other day I opened the door to our to our deck and was astounded by the warmth I felt. I instantly grabbed some blankets and we spent the late afternoon and evening enjoying the blue sky, sun and some phenomenal tomatoes I had picked up at the grocery store that morning. Birdie loved pointing at all the trees and birds and Belle was in heaven on a sun spot she found by the door. We stuffed ourselves silly with bread and cheese and cuddled up together as the sun began to disappear and a chilly breeze began to graze our foreheads. And right there in that moment we felt that we were going to figure this out. The three of us, together. We got this.
I have so much to share with you, so much GOOD, and I simply can't wait to jump into spring with my arms wide open because it really is so true - it's always darkest before the sunrise!
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I have to say that this time away has been good for me. It's really helped me to re-focus what I want this space to be about and reminded me of why I love blogging in the first place. Part of it I must say is the fact that I stayed away from blogs in general. Not having to compare myself to others and to see what it is that I value, enjoy and love has been so refreshing for me. I've been seeing a lot of conversations about the incredibly materialistic and capitalistic nature of blogging these days and I have to admit I've been guilty of getting suckered in myself. I find that with instagram especially it's so easy to buy into the notion that you "need" this or "that." There's just so much SELLING going on these days and not a lot of writing and that just plain sucks. I hope you never feel that way from visiting this space. I hope to always keep this a place a journal of our lives. Inevitably "things" are part of it but it is always my goal when sharing things that they are something truly useful if not a necessity, because honestly with little kids you end up becoming a traveling circus no matter how much you detest "clutter." There are sippy cups, bottles, snacks, lotions, toys... you get the point. So in the end if I share about any of this it's because amongst the gargantuan mountain of baby crap out there I found something that's really kind of awesome. That's it. Period. 

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18 notes

  1. That was a very beautiful post! It is lovely to get to see your faith and your hard work and motivation, even and especially when things are hard. I love come to your blog because you write what is important.

    Thank you - Glenna

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    1. Glenna - Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. They mean so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to reach out, I really, really appreciate it. xoxo

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  2. I needed this so much you can't imagine.... My husband and I have been trying so hard for years to move to the US or Canada and it fell apart, we had to vacate our flat and had to move at his mum's house and we got married 8 months ago and haven't had a day to ourselves in a new home, no privacy, nothing... and it has been the hardest time of our life and we are not where we want to be country wise and in life, my husband is 30 and wants to build a life and family and we can't, life is too expensive in London and we can't have the life we want it's been so hard and it's still is! I am 24 so I am still creating my path but my husband wonders everyday 'where did i go wrong compare to my friends who own their homes and have kids'. I am gonna stop here if not I will write the exact same post you just did. I send you my strengths and prayers for all your wishes to come true! I hope it works out real soon! lots of hugs xo Sylvia :)

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    1. Sylvia,
      Thank you so much for sharing here. It is always nice to feel like you are not alone. I feel like often our stories are the ones we never hear about, instead we are surrounded by stories of success. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful, that's what I believe. I will keep you and your hubby in my prayers, I have no doubt that things will turn around for you soon. Stay strong and know that you have a friend here! So much love to you!! xoxo

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    2. Thank you for your lovely message! You are so wonderful and your little birdie is so lucky to have you as a mama :) Lots of love to you all and hopefully we can meet up one day in Georgetown :)
      Take care,
      S.

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  3. aww so beautiful as always! I can relate. I always think you can make plants but God always has different plans. And his plans are the right one for our lives. I can't wait to hear about the good and all that. I missed you! I'm glad the break was good for you. Isn't it so awesome it is spring? Although I know up here in Canada it will for sure snow a few more times, but at least it melts right away. Enjoy your weekend pretty lady!
    <3 Kastles

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    1. Kastles my dear thank you so much for your sweet words! Thank you for your constant support, it means so much to me. I am so excited for you guys right now!! :) Spring is coming and good things are coming for all of us! xoxo

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  4. Welcome back :) I loved reading this. It came at a really good time for me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts as always xxx jemima

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    1. Thank you Jemima!! Happy to be back! xo

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  5. I'm really glad you shared all of this. I'm a fairly regular reader, but I don't comment much. Your situation sounds very similar to ours. Married young, and slow moving ever since. It's hard not to get frustrated or feel despair when others seem to moving more quickly.

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    1. I'm so happy to hear that my dear. Thank you so much for reaching out, it's always so nice to know that we are not alone :). Keeping your family in my prayers! xoxo

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  6. I have fallen so in love with your blog, my friend! So happy to have found it and to be able to go all the way and enjoy so many posts. Thanks for linking to mine, too. Huge hugs. xo

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    1. Sweetheart the feeling is SO mutual. Your words are a breath of fresh air and I've also been devouring your past posts :). Yay for the internet being awesome sometimes! :) Lots of love to you and yours! xoxo

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  7. This is my very first visit to your blog and I really enjoyed it. Your passion for enjoying the small things shows in your words. A fellow blogger, mom and wife myself I had to tell you how much I enjoy your positive honesty. Excellent!

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    1. Karlee! Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words and thank you so much for reading! Your note really brightened my day! Have a lovely week! xoxo

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  8. This is my first visit to your blog and I really enjoyed it. A comma, wife and blogger myself I have to share that your positive honesty and passion for life is wonderful. Sometimes staying positive is the first step. Ill be back to read more.

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  9. Can I just say how much I love this post? I feel like you just wrote about my husband and me and what we have been dealing with the past few months. Setback after setback and one miscarriage later it has been such a great challenge not to look at our friends our age and not wonder why our story hasn't been as easy to attain as theirs. But I am reminded that everyone's story is different and God's plan far exceeds what we think our lives should be! I am a fairly new reader of your blog never prone to commenting that often but I just have to say your genuine spirit speaks loudly with every post you write and is always like a breath of fresh air to me! Keep doing what your doing girl!

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    1. Rachel,
      Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you and your husband, I can't even imagine how difficult these setbacks have been for you but it sounds like your faith is as strong as ever and I have no doubt God is leading you towards something wonderful. Thank you for your kindness and thoughtfulness, it really means so much to me. Your words were like a ray of sunshine in my day. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the very, very best!! xoxo

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