An update

4:02 PM

I don't even really know how to begin writing this... I suppose I didn't even want to for a long time because I felt that if I put it in writing it would be final. Of course it is final anyway but I feared seeing the words written out. Our darling girl, Keesya, no longer lives with us... 
She never took well to V but we thought we could figure it out, make it work somehow. After all Belle has been a champ about accepting her as part of our family. We figured Keesya just needed some time, some extra attention and love. She's always fit in well with us and our crazy life. She was a better traveler than Belle, even making the twelve hour trip to Florida with us last year with no complaints. However, ever since we brought V home she has been moody and traveling with her was practically impossible. A few weeks ago she had a complete breakdown and we feared for her wellbeing. We made the painful and difficult decision to let her go. She wasn't happy with us anymore and it wasn't right for us to cause her stress. 
Papa bear's parents very kindly offered to take her. We cried for the entire drive home the day we said goodbye. And I know we're lucky regardless, my in-laws adore her and since we stay with them several times a month we get to see her all the time but it's just not the same. Some days I think I'll be ok, I think it won't hurt anymore and then I'll think I hear her jumping down from one of the chairs and when I realize it was just my imagination my heart begins to ache...
As I scanned over our photos to pick one out of her I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I'm not sure I'll ever be ok. I'm going to miss feeding her, I'm going to miss her cuddled up next to me in bed, I'm going to miss seeing her curled up on top of the record player (her favorite spot), I'm going to miss watching her and Belle play, I'm going to miss so much. 
*This is really difficult for us so I'm going to turn off the comments for this post. I appreciate your kindness and support.

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