my two at 18 months and 3 1/2 years

12:48 PM


The other day I glanced at the preschool brochure laying on our dashboard and my heart sank. There it was staring me in dead in the face - the reality of the fact that my baby girl is a baby no more. The fact that our days of spending every waking moment together will soon be over. And the fact that time will probably continue to pick up speed as these babies of mine outgrow clothes and shoes and toys and books... It's funny to think of all the time I spend lamenting the difficulty of staying home with two little kids and at the same time thinking about an alternate scenario makes my heart hurt oh so bad. 
She needs it though. She is showing more interest in making friends and her mind is expanding in ways that I fear I don't have the time or ability to nurture properly. I know it will be good for her. For us, but change is never painless and I feel an ache in my bones. So I want to be better about documenting what will probably be our last year like this - like bosom buddies. 
Because one day when she's all grown up I'll miss her sitting on the vanity while I do my makeup and asking me for a little bit of this and that. I'll miss seeing the world through her eyes and hearing her declare on a misty day "mama the outside is gone!" I'll miss her three am cuddles and her drawings that turn up in every nook and cranny of this house. I'll miss hearing her whisper at the top of stairs that she needs a drink of water and the silly little songs she makes up all day long. I'll miss her lisp and the way she always says "good morning mama" when we roll over and face each other in bed. 
The other day my dad emailed me a five minute clip of my brother and I when we were Birdie and Teddy's age and watching it was so surreal. Immediately after I got on the phone with both my parents and my dad said, his voice cracking, "What I wouldn't give to hold that sweet little four year old girl in my arms one more time..." Bam. That hurt. Bad. Because every day these little people wake up one day older than the day before and we notice and we mourn the passage of time and the baby that was. 


And Teddy... my man. How can I even begin to put into words this little hurricane? If girls are sugar and spice and everything nice then this guy is dirt and sriracha and everything naughty. But that smile? And if you only knew just how divine a snuggle sesh can be. And his temper is something else but never in eighteen months have I seen him pout - he's quick to forgive and quick to say sorry. He plays hard and fights hard and loves hard. 
He's our little human exclamation mark. Every day is the best day of his life and from the moment he wakes up he is begging to go outside where he will proceed to squeal with joy at every fly, bird, airplane and gust of wind. He's got jokes too, little mischievous baby jokes but man does he make us laugh. If anyone can turn a frown upside down it's this guy. He wears me out every day but he is also teaching me to not take life so seriously and laugh more. Let things roll off my back more. And for that I will forever be grateful to this little bugger. Our life wouldn't be half as bright without his sparkly spirit. 

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