to my darling girl on her third birthday10:59 AM
Your mama has been a mess. The last 24 hours have left me teary eyed, nostalgic and heartbroken. Regardless of all the warnings I have received it still came much too fast... I've been asking myself nonstop "Surely she can't be three. She just can't..." And yet here you are - your confident, bubbly, independent and determined self. While I sit here at the table and fantasize about holding six pounds of you in a newborn onesie you turn to me, chocolate frosting on that sweet button nose, and tell me "Nank-u for getting me those donutss mama." And in the same beat my heart swells with pride and breaks over just how big you're getting. It's all happening way too fast my angel.
As the clock struck two am last night I cried into papa's shoulder and kept repeating "I just thought I would get more time." I thought I would get more time with you as a newborn. A baby. A two year old... But time doesn't wait and with each new dawn I watch yet another layer peel away to reveal something new, wonderful and so unique. Watching you grow and change is one of the most exhilarating things I have ever had the honor of witnessing, even if sometimes I wish you could slow down.
But you have never been one for moderation. You couldn't wait to enter this world and you've been in a real big hurry ever since then. I can hardly believe that just this week we learned how to write your name! You beamed with pride at the squiggly letters on the page. To me you may as well have written "I'm growing up at lightning speed mama! Hold on!!" But really, truly, I couldn't be more proud. You make me light up when I watch you read books to your brother, when you clean up your room before bedtime, when you cut out shapes perfectly and when you finally said adieu to diapers this week! You are a champ baby girl!!
But more than anything I am proud of your beautiful heart. The way you care for your brother and wait anxiously every morning for him to wake up. The way you tell me "you bootful mama" and the way you give me "lovins" when you see that I'm sad. The way you let everyone else go first at the playground and volunteer to share your toys with Teddy. The way you tell me, after a good chat in the car, "I love talkin to you mama." You are strong willed and independent and feisty but beneath that is the most tender soul and heart and I absolutely adore that about you.
Baby thank you for teaching me patience, forgiveness and selflessness. I walked into that hospital still a girl. I walked out a woman and for that I will always have you to thank. Although there are days that I miss sharing my body with you I take comfort in the fact that you carry a piece of me inside you, a piece of my heart. Sharing that with you is at once the most frightening and painful thing I have ever gone through but also the most magical and wonderful too. I promise to always be your best friend, your protector and your guide. And when I fail at that I promise to always be honest and offer you an apology from the depths of my soul. Thank you for trusting me to be your mama, it is the biggest honor I have ever been bestowed.
love always and kisses upon kisses,