glasses - warby parker, jacket - j.crew, belt - kate spade, dress - target, tights - j.crew, shoes - target
So I've been eyeing this Madewell sweatshirt dress for months. Kept waiting for it to go on sale. And sadly this time around my patience did not pay off as the dreamy frock never went on sale and instead sold out. Cue tears. Then! My fairy godmother Target smiled upon me and sent me this dress instead. I'm not going to lie, the quality is not as great as the Madewell one but it looks darling and more importantly feels like wearing pajamas, which is an A+ in my book! 

Last night I had a complete panic attack. I was running out the door with V and couldn't find her hat anywhere. Now mind you, just like her mama, she has about two dozen hats to chose from. But I wanted that one and the fact that I couldn't find it was making my stomach churn. All while running errands it was on my mind. And by the time we got home someone was a very fussy baby and needed to be fed right away. No time to look for the hat. And then I needed to bathe her. And put her to bed. And again no time to look for the hat. Finally, as tiny little snores escaped the crib I tiptoed into her room, pulled out the drawers and there it was, safe and secure, folded away with the rest.
The hat was hand knit for Valentina by her namesake and her great grandmother almost six thousand miles away in Moldova. It was hand delivered to my uncle who got on a train that took him to Moscow where he hand delivered it to a family friend traveling to the US. You see this hat isn't just any hat, it's a hat my grandmother has been knitting for decades. These fluffy toppers have been putting food on the table for her family since before my mum was born. In fact as soon as my mum was old enough her sister and she were taught how to knit and would help churn out dozens of them a week. And to this day at 84 years old my grandmother knits these hats and walks several miles to the market where she has been manning a stand for the last forty years or so.
I couldn't possibly tell you my grandmother's story because there is enough to fill a tome. There is so much heartbreak, sadness and perseverance it would put most books and movies to shame. But what I can tell you here briefly is that she is somewhat of an enigma to me. Since I was little I found her to be both incredibly sweet, emotionally volatile, strong, opinionated, funny and kind. As soon as she learned that I inherited daddy's sweet tooth she bought some "kitty caramels" (a favorite candy of mine) and would hoard and hide them in a sugar dish in order to hand them out to me when I came to visit. She would give all us grandkids change here and there to go buy bubblegum at a local bodega in town and we would cover her tiny white refrigerator with stickers of the Flinstones, Scooby Doo and Tom & Jerry that we found in the bubblegum wrappers. I loved her house because it wasn't a museum, the way most old people's homes were. Instead we were allowed to completely run amok. We would shelter litters of kittens next to the boiler in the back hallway and she would teach us how to pluck a chicken right in the middle of the kitchen, tiny little feathers floating towards the ceiling as we worked.
To a seven year old child babulya's house was pure magic. There was the cellar downstairs that was always stocked with canned tomatoes and cucumbers and juice. And that's where they kept the watermelons cold. I loved rummaging through her sewing room - examining every shred of fabric and wishing so badly I could just "get" knitting like everyone else in my family. Babulya had the patience of a saint and spent so many hours on her bed with me helping me make at least three stitches in a row but to no avail. I used to sleep on the fold-out sofa in the living room and loved waking up to the rooster who climbed on top of the hen house every morning that was directly next to the widow by where I slept.
To me babulya was adventure, excitement and it fun. I never wore shoes, rarely took baths and ate fruit right off the trees. As I grew older and learned more about her story I realized just how ironic my image of her life was. But I think she would be happy to know that even if she herself had so little joy in her life she gave so much to others. She never went to school past the second grade and struggled her entire life. But I suppose that's something admirable too, in that she was never afraid to get her hands dirty and to work hard. She instilled that in my mum and her siblings and it's something I respect so much. She never had a "job" or went to "work" in the traditional sense but she sewed baby clothes, knitted hats, slaughtered chickens and geese, pickled and grew oodles of fruits and vegetables and supported her family via whatever means she could find.
I'm praying fervently that she is in good enough health for our visit to Moldova in 2015. I am praying that Valentina will meet her namesake and the woman from whom she has so much to learn. Regardless of what happens I will raise her to exude all the things I love about my grandma so much.
Every time I put this hat on her I'm reminded of the incredible hands that made it just for her.

am I right or what??
I would also like to say that I want to personally hug each and everyone of you that reached out regarding yesterday's post. You have no idea how much your kindness and support means to me. It's a wonderful feeling to know that we're all in this together and to feel such love. xoxo

The bridge that takes you from the mainland to Chincoteague Island has always given way to reflections on the passage of time. It's approximately a fifteen minute drive and having Michael Buble serenade us has become somewhat of a tradition over the years. From the first sighting of water I can't help but remember my first visit here... Just a sophomore in college, completely love-sick over a boy I though I'd never have and putting on a brave face for my family while crying inside. Buble's "You Don't Know Me" can still bring back those lovelorn feelings in an instant.  And then my mind goes back to the first trip with that boy; the way I had more fun than I thought humanly possible. We were so young and disgustingly in love - holding hands non-stop, kissing every chance we got. I remember the night we drove to the end of the island and made out for hours with nothing but blackness and a few starts out in front of us. And then of course the subsequent years when we began to create our own traditions on the trip. Like going to the huge gas station on the mainland at two in the morning and splitting a giant bag of Utz chips while we wasted $20 on lottery tickets. Or mini golfing, me always losing to papa bear (what hope could there be when he's played his entire life??). Or life talks in the jacuzzi late into the night and daring each other to run outside onto the snowy boardwalk.  We didn't go last year, the year I was pregnant, so the contrast of being in Chincoteague with a baby was even more sharp. In ways I feel like this island has been like a signpost on my road to adulthood. It has marked periods - beginnings and endings. The last signpost I had here was as a married couple and here we were now with a baby. And the funny thing was that just like the first time I brought papa bear along with us and it changed the whole experience, so did Birdie's presence - it made everything drastically more fun. At Maria's she was our silly spaghetti monster covered in tomato sauce. At the pool she splashed and laughed to her heart's content and we all took turns getting splashed. There's pretty much nothing this girl doesn't love and she injected the trip with her signature sense of joy. She loved the bike ride and the ocean and the ice cream at the Island Creamery. She loved the ducks and the sea gulls and the broiled flounder at Bill's.  As we crossed the Bay Bridge and found ourselves back in Maryland I found myself already thinking about next time and thinking about the way that this trip will be a signpost on our still new journey as parents. This tiny little island holds so many special memories for me and I can't wait to go back!

^ I honestly don't even know... ^