Gosh this morning was glorious - temperatures in the 60's and a cool breeze coming through the trees every now and again. It instantly turned my mind to autumn. There have been little hints here and there that it's on its way - autumnal pins, talk about "summer winding down" and of course the inevitable appearance of sweaters and corduroys in stores (never mind the fact that it's still 90 degrees most days). But today was the first day that really made me realize just how quickly this season will be upon us and honestly a tiny wave of panic overwhelmed me. Because fall means baby... As in baby number two.
By the time the leaves change I will have two in my arms. I will be a mother of a son and daughter and I will probably have less time to do, well, just about anything than ever before. With pumpkins will come sleepless nights and non-stop feedings and all the other joys that come with having a newborn. I just keep wondering if I'm up for it, if I have it in me to tend to more than one tiny little person. I tell myself that plenty of people have many more children than two and seem to do just fine but the whole unknown aspect of this change makes me dizzy with anxiety sometimes.
At other times however I think it's kind of wonderful that this boy will come into the world right in the middle of my favorite season. That his birthday will always coincide with leaf piles and pumpkin picking and apple pie. And I think it's wonderful that he and Birdie will be so close together in age and I flatter myself by thinking that "I got this."
That is part of the reason papa bear and I worked so hard to get this house set up as quickly as we did. We have no time to lose. Now that all the rooms are painted and boxes are unpacked I can start shopping for a double stroller, re-organizing the nursery, unpacking the newborn things that I carefully stowed away close to two years ago and washing all the baby boy clothes I've been slowly collecting over the course of this summer. Because let's face it August will be over before we know it and September will fly by and I'm just praying that it's all enough time.
And even though adding a newborn to our family will be difficult, just as having any number of children is difficult, I know that with his presence will come such an abundance of love and joy that is uniquely his own. In the same way that raising Birdie has been both the most challenging and incredible thing papa bear and I have ever attempted so it will be with our son. Kids are messy and hard and unpredictable but they also increase your capacity for love in ways that you never thought possible. They are more than dirty diapers and sleepless nights and tantrums - they are little people that somehow teach you more about life and love than you've ever read in a book or learned in a class.