Today I decided to finally dust off my laptop. I pressed the "new post" button and have been staring at this white space for some time now. It's been so long, so much has happened and it's just been an incredibly strange time in our life. It's strange to find yourself in the midst of so much upheaval and at the same time to survive all these changes essentially in isolation. And not being able to share about these things has prevented me from being active anywhere because it's been all we've been thinking and talking about.
And holy moley have we been talking and talking and talking. We have been on the verge of making a big life change for a few months. We prayed about it, we sought advice and we went in the direction that we believed God was leading us in. You know when something feels so right until it doesn't?? The past two weeks we have never felt more confused, lost or conflicted. We thought this was what God wanted for us only to realize that perhaps it simply never was. It's hard to accept that sometimes the only way to learn something is by going through something unbelievably difficult. No matter how many times we go through life lessons we want to believe that we can learn massive life lessons without the tiniest of scratches to show for it. It's not possible.
And I'll be honest with you--we're exhausted. We got married young and we have been trying to navigate this journey of life for our family and our careers since college. Our path has been unique and not without difficulties, failures, triumphs and detours. Often it's hard to not look at people our age who have had more linear paths towards a career or success and not feel envious, not feel like "where did we go wrong?" We've both had setbacks since college and we're not where we want to be but we have to keep reminding ourselves that we are getting there, albeit slowly. Sometimes we get impatient and we get frustrated and those days are tough. Sometimes we're extra hard on ourselves and don't cut ourselves nearly enough slack.
But more than anything we must remind ourselves that this is our life. We put our life into God's hands daily and although we are not guaranteed a perfect life we are guaranteed his constant comfort, guidance and love. And his blessings that he bestows on us every day. And in the end our career or "life concerns" are really theoretical because practically speaking we live a wonderful life full of so much joy and beauty - the things that truly matter. Bank accounts, accolades and material possessions, although important, will never fulfill us the way our love for each other does. And it's thanks to this love and support that we have for each other that we will continue reaching for our dreams no matter how long it takes, how hard it is, how many times we get knocked down or how often we feel like we are back at "square one."
One thing we've learned time after time is even when something seems devastating to us in the moment God always reveals how he used it to enhance our life, grant us wisdom or point us in the right direction. That reveal sometimes takes months, sometimes even years but ultimately it was all for the best. And we can already see the light.
Speaking of light I recently came across this amazing site - Live Learn Evolve, through Danielle (who's blog is absolutely delightful!) and this post was exactly what I needed to read. Namely this:
Spring is finally here and with it we can feel so much good blossoming in our life. The other day I opened the door to our to our deck and was astounded by the warmth I felt. I instantly grabbed some blankets and we spent the late afternoon and evening enjoying the blue sky, sun and some phenomenal tomatoes I had picked up at the grocery store that morning. Birdie loved pointing at all the trees and birds and Belle was in heaven on a sun spot she found by the door. We stuffed ourselves silly with bread and cheese and cuddled up together as the sun began to disappear and a chilly breeze began to graze our foreheads. And right there in that moment we felt that we were going to figure this out. The three of us, together. We got this.
I have so much to share with you, so much GOOD, and I simply can't wait to jump into spring with my arms wide open because it really is so true - it's always darkest before the sunrise!