I just wanted to take a moment today and introduce you to a lovely sponsor today - Antica Farmacista. It's been such a pleasure to work with this wonderful company. My first memory of using their product was actually years ago when I "gifted" myself one of their room diffusers. I got the Orange Blossom, Lilac and Jasmine scent and I was totally hooked. I remember keeping that jar until we had to move and it was bone dry. I'm a huge scent person and room diffusers finally showed me a more effective way of making a space smell good without burning candles 24/7. I've tried many brands since then but none have ever come close to that first one. It was a treat for sure but a worthwhile one.
I'm now using their baby scent in Birdie's room and good lord has it made a difference! We have a fantastic diaper pail but inevitably with the dozen or so times we open it throughout the day the scent still lingers. I try to kill it a few times a week with a candle but it's never a permanent solution. This room diffuser is such a godsend though. The scent isn't too overpowering, just fresh and clean and it's made walking into the nursery a pleasure. It smells like we've had the window open into our (nonexistent) flower garden all day.
Now I'm thinking mama needs one in her bedroom too... Perhaps it's time to treat myself??

Prior to parenting I was a perfectionist, a "type A" if you will, but parenting has a funny way of weeding out all unnecessary things until you're left with the bare essentials. I had so many dumb ideas before Birdie was born - only wood toys, no tv and the idea that I would spend hours lovingly creating gourmet purees for her. The sentiment was sweet of course but in reality it was all a little silly. Because you're not the only one getting her toys and I definitely believe in the "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" mentality when it comes to gifts, because sometimes the only thing that will keep all of you sane during an especially rough bout of teething is good old Sesame Street and the motivation for turning your kitchen into an organic baby food factory will all but vanish the day she spits, splatters and throws your "gourmet" food across every surface in the room.
I've also found that parenting is so much about flexibility and constantly altering your course of action. I so badly wanted "baby-led weaning" to work but the truth is she just wasn't ready until almost eleven months. I wanted badly to get her sleeping all through the night by seven months but she just wasn't ready until a year. I think the most important thing to constantly remind yourself of is that "every child is different" and you must adjust all your expectations accordingly. She's fifteen months now and still not walking and although I'm dying to see her take her first steps I'm just letting her take her time. Just as with everything I know she'll do it on her time, when she's ready.
And just as important is our sanity as parents. We made a decision from day one to never adhere to certain principals if it comes at the cost of our sanity. For some time that meant co-sleeping, then it meant her sleeping in her own room. For some time that meant letting her eat mac and cheese every single day because she would refuse anything else (though we did sneak in a cup full of green juice here and there to make sure she doesn't turn into a solid). And sometimes that means letting her have a few of my french fries so we don't have to listen to her whine the entire car ride home, or putting a movie on or [insert any "not perfect mummy" activity here]. Because at the end of the day I would rather break some rules, so to speak, rather than find myself frazzled and neurotic which in the big picture is a lot worse for her precious tiny psyche than a few slivers of deep fried potatoes.
What I'm trying to say is that being someone's mama has taught me to let go of that ridiculous, unrealistic and perfect ideal of a mother I had created in my mind before our daughter was born. It's actually taught me to trust my own intuition, use common sense and know that ultimately no one knows or loves our little girl better or more than my husband and me and that when she grows up she won't remember the parsnip and persimmon puree with a hint of cinnamon or the exquisite toys whittled out of reclaimed birch wood but she will remember all those tickle fights, kisses, story times and hugs and that's something I never compromise on.

Today I decided to finally dust off my laptop. I pressed the "new post" button and have been staring at this white space for some time now. It's been so long, so much has happened and it's just been an incredibly strange time in our life. It's strange to find yourself in the midst of so much upheaval and at the same time to survive all these changes essentially in isolation. And not being able to share about these things has prevented me from being active anywhere because it's been all we've been thinking and talking about.
And holy moley have we been talking and talking and talking. We have been on the verge of making a big life change for a few months. We prayed about it, we sought advice and we went in the direction that we believed God was leading us in. You know when something feels so right until it doesn't?? The past two weeks we have never felt more confused, lost or conflicted. We thought this was what God wanted for us only to realize that perhaps it simply never was. It's hard to accept that sometimes the only way to learn something is by going through something unbelievably difficult. No matter how many times we go through life lessons we want to believe that we can learn massive life lessons without the tiniest of scratches to show for it. It's not possible.
And I'll be honest with you--we're exhausted. We got married young and we have been trying to navigate this journey of life for our family and our careers since college. Our path has been unique and not without difficulties, failures, triumphs and detours. Often it's hard to not look at people our age who have had more linear paths towards a career or success and not feel envious, not feel like "where did we go wrong?" We've both had setbacks since college and we're not where we want to be but we have to keep reminding ourselves that we are getting there, albeit slowly. Sometimes we get impatient and we get frustrated and those days are tough. Sometimes we're extra hard on ourselves and don't cut ourselves nearly enough slack.
But more than anything we must remind ourselves that this is our life. We put our life into God's hands daily and although we are not guaranteed a perfect life we are guaranteed his constant comfort, guidance and love. And his blessings that he bestows on us every day. And in the end our career or "life concerns" are really theoretical because practically speaking we live a wonderful life full of so much joy and beauty - the things that truly matter. Bank accounts, accolades and material possessions, although important, will never fulfill us the way our love for each other does. And it's thanks to this love and support that we have for each other that we will continue reaching for our dreams no matter how long it takes, how hard it is, how many times we get knocked down or how often we feel like we are back at "square one."
One thing we've learned time after time is even when something seems devastating to us in the moment God always reveals how he used it to enhance our life, grant us wisdom or point us in the right direction. That reveal sometimes takes months, sometimes even years but ultimately it was all for the best. And we can already see the light.
Speaking of light I recently came across this amazing site - Live Learn Evolve, through Danielle (who's blog is absolutely delightful!) and this post was exactly what I needed to read. Namely this:
Spring is finally here and with it we can feel so much good blossoming in our life. The other day I opened the door to our to our deck and was astounded by the warmth I felt. I instantly grabbed some blankets and we spent the late afternoon and evening enjoying the blue sky, sun and some phenomenal tomatoes I had picked up at the grocery store that morning. Birdie loved pointing at all the trees and birds and Belle was in heaven on a sun spot she found by the door. We stuffed ourselves silly with bread and cheese and cuddled up together as the sun began to disappear and a chilly breeze began to graze our foreheads. And right there in that moment we felt that we were going to figure this out. The three of us, together. We got this.
I have so much to share with you, so much GOOD, and I simply can't wait to jump into spring with my arms wide open because it really is so true - it's always darkest before the sunrise!