It's nap time and all is quiet. As I type a family of deer, including two fresh little fawns, are munching on grass in my parent's backyard. There's a lovely breeze in the air today and when standing in the shade you can remember what fall feels like. Miles's weight on the old floorboards creak in that old familiar way and it almost feels like we never left...
It's been a while since I checked in and I'll be honest, the last few weeks have been exhausting, emotional and confusing. We initially planned on giving ourselves a full two weeks to move but unsurprisingly we started missing the kids something awful halfway into the first week and decided to just get out as fast as we could. On the one hand it meant reuniting as a family faster but on the other hand it made the move come too fast. I feel like my heart and my brain couldn't catch up with what was happening. There's something terribly emotional about leaving the first home you've ever owned, even if it was for a short while. I cried, a lot.
But this past Friday we took the last of the boxes to storage. I cleaned our rooms and vacuumed for the first time since moving in with my parents and it felt like we might actually have a "normal weekend" for the first time in a while. And we have. We saw some homes, visited Kevin's new school and had a nice lazy, family brunch in Bethesda. As I mentioned, some days it feels like we never left. Well except for the fact that we're doing a lot of the same things with verbal kids and without strollers, bottles and diaper bags.
All in all it's been good to be back. It's amazing to watch the kids bonding with my parents, already they are picking up Russian words (Teddy more than Birdie, he seems to have an aptitude for languages) and spend the majority of the afternoon watching the front door for "babushka and dedushka" to come home from work. It hasn't been easy raising our two without any help for the last three years. Teddy was a sick and difficult baby and sometimes I look back on those first fews months with bewilderment as to how I survived. I never had anyone I could call on, never got any breaks or help and I'll be honest - some weeks it almost broke me. So to know that we now have a whole host of people we could call on in case of an emergency is incredibly comforting and something I'll never take for granted.
Our parents have graciously offered us their home while we search for our "forever house," as Birdie refers to it. It took us nine months from the day we started looking to the day we closed to purchase our last home and so we are in no rush. Especially since this will be the place we call home for quite some time. So we're taking things slow and embracing this unique opportunity to be together. We feel so blessed and so nurtured being back with the ones we love. For all the comfort and enjoyment that came from our home in Georgia the fact that we all missed our family so badly could not be overlooked. So here we are, back where it all began and it is both exciting and daunting to be creating a new life for our family here.
The other day we passed a Starbucks and I told the kids that this was where "mummy and daddy first fell in love" and a knot formed in my throat. Every park, neighborhood and building brings back memories and sometimes the weight of all that nostalgia is intoxicating. It's been interesting to spent the last three or so years in a place that gives you no reference point, that is a blank slate so to speak. I find that back here I'm doing a lot of measuring, a lot of rummaging through my memories to understand who I was, who I am and who I want to be. In a way it's been clarifying to be presented with memories of our younger selves. As has been my time away from social media. I've begun to realize just how much the noise has clouded my judgement and the way I perceive myself and our life. I've been comparing myself to surface level fantasies of life instead of comparing myself to my dreams, goals and hopes that I had set out for myself years ago. In many ways I've failed but in other aspects I have begun to see how I've actually excelled and it's helping to rebuild my confidence in myself.
It's been an interesting few weeks but now that the dust has settled I'm excited about our future and the possibilities that this new school year may bring. But more than anything I'm excited about being re-aligned and reminded of the importance of being intentional with my time and thoughts. Thank you to those of you that chose to stick around and here's to soaking up these precious last few weeks of summer!

*photo is of the view from the window of one of the homes we toured, isn't it perfection?!

• small frozen water bottles
• frozen juice boxes
• applesauce and yogurt that I kept cold in the top shelf of the fridge
• chips of some sort and a ziplock bag of whatever cereal the kids were having that week

crust:

1 1/2 cup walnuts

1 1/2 tsp  cinnamon

a tiny pinch of salt

6-8 fresh dates, pitted

filling:

2 cups raw cashews (soaked overnight)

1 big lemon, juiced

3/4 cup blueberries 

1/2 cup coconut milk

2/3 cup coconut oil, melted

3-5 tbsp organic honey (or maple syrup)

1 tsp vanilla

toppings:

blueberries and edible flowers

Place the cashews in a big bowl, cover with water and soak overnight or for at least 4-6 hours.

Start by preparing the crust. Add walnuts, cinnamon and salt into a blender or a food processor and grind until fine crumble. Cut the dates into smaller pieces and add in couple turns. Blend until you get a sticky dough. Line the bottom of a cake pan and press the dough to the bottom of the cake pan. Place it in the freezer while making the filling.

Rinse the blender. Drain and rinse the cashews and add them to the blender. Add all other ingredients and blend for a good long while, until very creamy and smooth. Take the cake pan from the freezer and pour the filling on top of the crust. Return to the freezer for 4-6 hours until the filling has set.When the filling has set, take the cake from the freezer and remove the cake tin (I used a springform pan and it worked beautifully). Decorate with the fresh blueberries and edible flowers and let thaw for 15-20 minutes before serving. The cake will remain good in the fridge for a couple of days, for longer periods, store in the freezer.


*recipe adapted from Tuulia

• This darling Madewell dress just screamed "birthday dress" to me. Kevin agreed and so happy early birthday to me! :)
• I got us all salt rock lamps a few weeks ago (night lights for the kids) and we are all loving them. They give off the coziest glow at night. Birdie is sleeping so much more soundly now.
• Finally ordered the Emily Winfield Martin print I've been coveting for years. Can't wait to get it in the mail next week!
• While on vacation I realized I forgot my perfume at home. I wanted something that wouldn't break the bank but one that smelled a little more sophisticated than VS body sprays (remember those??). I came across these teeny tiny bottles of Pacifica spray perfume at Whole Foods and fell in love with the entire range. They smell more "essential oil" than perfume but I kind of love it!
• I got Birdie her first Minnow suit for our vacation and she loved it! It's made of the most buttery soft material and couldn't be prettier. 
• Speaking of birthdays these shoes would definitely be a splurge but hey, a girl can dream? Loeffler Randall is my forever "goals" shoe. 
• And last but not least I picked up these throw pillow covers at Target the other day for $2.50 a piece (WHAT?!!) and it's amazing what a difference they made on the bed. Such a pretty fresh look! Run to your nearest Target to snag them before they're gone (look in the clearance section).