Hard to imagine that this photo was taken over twenty years ago... I could have never imagined then all the places we would go together. The memories we would make. The fights we would have (SO. MANY. FIGHTS). The laughs. The constant rivalry and yet the deep love and respect that grew and grew as we got older.
And so it is with great pride and admiration that I would like to share with you that my baby brother published a book!! It's something that he has painstakingly worked on for close to a decade and I am blown away by his courage, his heart and his incredible voice that wasn't easy to find. He is probably the only person that understands how difficult it is to be us - Russian by birth, gypsies by circumstances and Americans by naturalization. We are often misunderstood, lonely and just plain strange. He was able to channel all those complex feelings into his work and those words have a special place in my heart.
Below is a great video that will give you a better understanding of Konstantin as a person and also his BRAND new book!


If you would like to purchase a copy you can head over here.

For the past two months the kids have been watching the Christmas Winnie the Pooh movie non-stop. I pretty much have the entire thing memorized at this point. It's a darling movie and it warms my heart to see that the kids love it just as much as I did when I was young.
Now that we're nearing the end of January (HOW??) this little conversation has been on my mind:

Christopher Robin: Well, almost. It's New Year's Eve. So tonight we're having a party.
Winnie the Pooh: A party?
Christopher Robin: And  we'll make our New Year's resolutions
Winnie the Pooh: Reso-whotions? Bother.
Christopher Robin: Resolutions, Pooh. It's when you promise to do something you've never done, or not do something you used to do. It's a promise to be a better person in the new year.

That's really what it boils down to isn't it? Just to try and be a better person. Whatever that means for each of us. For many it means eating better, exercising more, going to bed earlier, etc. And I've done that. For three weeks... Or three days... I think one of the problems with those kind of resolutions is they're not very fun. They don't feel good. Because let's be honest - no one enjoys eating hamster food. Or treadmill minutes. Or vacuuming. Or not eating chocolate cake.
So this year, in order to up my chances of success, I am choosing resolutions that will actually feel good, that will be enjoyable. With my thirtieth birthday on the horizon and the kids being older and requiring less of me I figured this is as good a year as any to be a little selfish. Because running myself into the ground is beneficial to absolutely no one. And so here is my very concise little list:

- meditate more
- go on more dates
- read more books
- invest in a quality beauty routine
- wear more clothes (instead of pj's or workout clothes)

That's it. I don't need to write it down. I don't need to "track" my progress. I just need to remember to take care of myself every once in a while. I've spent the last four years of my life carrying my babies in my belly or my arms and giving all of myself to them daily. It's time to start replenishing myself. I suppose I better start by getting that root canal...

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I've never found January to be a kind month and this year has been no exception. Some of you have noticed my silence the last couple of weeks and a part of me wants to continue on this way - head down with blinders on, but I don't think anything good would come from that at this point. You see when things seem hopeless and bleak my natural reaction is to just "get busy" so I don't have time to think about anything. And I have been very busy...
Busy with visiting the ER on three separate occasions with a baby that was vomiting and had a temperature of 104.5. Busy administering baby tylenol, antibiotics, cough syrup, ear drops and wiping running noses (we went through five of the large packs of boogie wipes). Busy changing and washing bedding and clothing that would get vomit on it at least once a day. Busy preparing six different meals a day only to have all of them picked over and not eaten. Busy rocking two very sad, very sick babies to sleep all day and all night long.
New year's eve dinner still sits uneaten in the fridge as we have been eating out of paper bags for two weeks now. My new year's eve dress needs laundering thanks to a dumping of vomit. The drinks never got made and the movie remained in it's box. When the clock struck midnight Kevin and I were sitting at the dri-thru window of CVS pharmacy waiting on our prescription of antibiotics for Teddy. I was cradling his naked feverish body in my arms and trying to ignore the overwhelming odor of the regurgitated contents of his tummy that swished around in his carseat. Things were looking very bleak.
The one upside in all of this was having Kevin home to help me. Together we tended to our poor babies and once we would get them in bed at night we would tend to ourselves with some dinner out of a styrofoam box and a tablespoon or two of nyquil. We are completely drained and the other day I broke down crying saying I just wanted my mummy. It's a strange feeling when you go through something where there's not help, no relief. Where you are the only adult. You just keep pushing through, hoping that tomorrow is just a little bit better.
I have trepidation over declaring that we are on the mend as we have thought that many times this week only to face another setback but... Teddy is due to finish his antibiotics tomorrow, Birdie has another two days of it and I've cut down on how many boxes of tissues I go through a day so... maybe?? I'm also nervous because Teddy has not been taking anything other than his formula, obviously, and has lost a lot of weight. He was already quite underweight but this sickness has set him back even more. Any tips on how to beef up our little mouse would be much appreciated.
So here we are - 2016. And I don't have any resolutions. I'm not currently on a juice cleanse and my house is a mess. My only hope is that we are all healthy again. I hope Teddy can gain the weight back and be back to his happy, trouble maker self. I hope Birdie doesn't have to tearfully tell me that "mama I don't want to be sick no more" again. I hope I have the energy to cook us a home cooked meal and play with the kids again. I hope life can go back to normal again. I have big plans for cleaning and maybe, just maybe cooking, tomorrow and I'm hoping we can start the weekend on the right foot.
I am aware that none of this is tragic or life-threatening and I am aware that things could have been a lot worse. I'm just sharing what life has been like lately and as a mama you are always terrified of anything going wrong with your babies. We like to see them thriving and watching your little ones suffer is so incredibly painful, even if you know that eventually they will be well again. Thank you so much to everyone that reached out and made us feel cared for and loved, it truly means the world to us.